Pride
a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity,importance, merit, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing
I haven’t been on here in a while. But it’s just feeling like one of those nights. And this is feeling like just the place. Where I can just say what I want and no one can reciprocate. I have a hard time communicating with people. To share my emotions. To tell others what’s bothering me or what’s wrong. I have no idea what it is. I just don’t want to put the burden on people, to tell them my problems. At the end of the day they’re my problems I have to deal with. I don’t tell people my problems to have them say “it’s okay things will get better.” I know they will and the only way things are gonna get better is if i fix them. I don’t need pity. That’s how I am. I don’t really talk about my problems unless I’m in really deep shit and really need help. But I always keep things to myself. I always think I can do things on my own, find my own way out of the mess I put myself in. But lately, I’ve noticed this is starting to change me. I don’t wanna change who I am. But I don’t want to change me. I like me. But it’s pushing the people I love away. And I don’t know what to do. This thing it’s eating at me, breaking me down, and I can’t figure out how to fix it. I feel like its a pride thing. Not that I’m too prideful or anything. But it’s just me thinking I can do things on my own, not wanting help, keep everything to myself. Do it all on my own. All my problems, family, girlfriend, friends, financial, school, everything I keep bottled up inside. Handle everything by myself. But one can handle only so much and sometimes I just wanna break. And I do. I break down. Sometimes I would just find myself feeling sad out of nowhere and I don’t even know why…
